Your Waitress Tonight
by rocket shoes
Summary: Turns out i'm not a great babysitter after all. I'm also not aloud to babysit some children anymore. I sigh and mark out "Babysitter" on my list. And I thought that finding a job would be easy too. Soul&Maka, AU.


**Your Waitress Tonight**

**Chapter One **

* * *

God hates me, yes; there is just no denying it. Y'know how every single person has their own special gift? Like creativity, athleticism, good with guys, well for me it's being able to be a complete and utter screw-up. I don't mean like I screw up at everything (which I do, sadly) but it's more like I have label on me. I'm not Coke, but more like the cheap knock off brand. Yep, I'm the screw-up brand.

Like when you go grocery shopping with your mom and you and grab some soda, but your moms all like, "Oh no dearie, don't get that kind, get the other its better."

Actually I'm not so sure if that's how Moms talk, I don't know, I haven't seen mine since my tenth birthday. But moving on.

Sometimes I just wanna get on my knees and do that whole "Why!" thing while screaming towards the sky, and everyone around you gives theses looks like "Why isn't she in a mental hospital?"

I would go to a mental hospital, if they wouldn't keep _refusing_ my application. I'm sure that place would be better here. High School. A place of broken dreams and spilled nerd money. Well actually that last part isn't so bad. Spilled nerd money has gotten me through three months of free lunch.

No, no, here in school I spend my time sitting, spacing out and day dreaming. Like right now actually. Explaining all of this to you, about how God hates my very being, and how I'm a screw up with no skills.

Well, actually I do have some skills. Like pissing people off and being lazy. When I told the counselor this though, he told me those aren't things I should be proud of. But what does he know?

Abso-freakin-nothing, that's what.

"Maka!" My teacher….err, well I'll get back to you on her name, yells at me. My head jerks up and I can feel my jacket leave its imprints on my forehead. I wipe the corners of my mouth, pretty sure there's a little bit of drizzle there, and give her my full attention.

Well, most of it.

"Care to give me the answer?"

Answer?

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I knew I shouldn't have stayed up last night watching Adventure Time. I just can't help it, that show…it just _speaks_ to me.

Quick, say something clever!

"Uh…John Henry?"

Nice.

I could hear the class stifle their giggles.

"So, you think that the person who assonated A. Lincoln, was John Henry?"

I snickered. Teacher didn't think it was very funny though. "Detention Albarn!"

I mentally fell to my knees and did that whole "Why!" thing. Even in my mind, everybody gave me a strange stare. Damn.

I let my head slam against the desk. How embarrassing. Not really but still. What have I ever done to that woman? Besides Photoshop her face onto a hooker picture and post it around school.

All harmless fun though. _Harmless_.

The rest of the period was pretty much one big, spaced out blur. I couldn't even find it in me to write down my notes, not like I write them anyways, but you get my drift.

I kept telling myself to think happy thoughts. But none came to mind. I'm just so sad and depressed. I probably need to listen to my doctor and take that medicine.

I'm kidding.

I was giving the clock a full on death stare, hoping that the bell would ring before she passed out homework, but no luck. I got it anyways. You people seem to be forgetting that the universe hates me. Yes, the universe. I've decided that I've over used the word "God" and needed a new one to freshen up.

Sigh. But back to the point.

On the usual day to day basis I would've pushed everyone the hell outta my way and made a b-line to my house. But I wasn't really looking forward to the detention I oh so generously received from miss PMS.

A few of my classmates patted me on the back and gave me these pity looks as I walked down the hall towards hell, oh I'm sorry I mean the detention room. I really didn't need their pity. But whatever, I don't have it in me to tell them to go get spent.

When I got there I took my seat by a window. The teacher (uhm lets just call her miss sleepy for obvious reasons) there didn't even bother with asking me for a slip once she saw my face. Its times like these that make me seriously think about my behavior in school. But then I usually get sidetracked and stuff.

Hey, ever play the penis game?

It's when you start saying the word penis really low and silent and then as time passes on you keep raising your voice until you're practically screaming the word.

I tried it at the public library downtown. I'm not allowed to go there anymore.

I also tried it at the place my Papa work place. I didn't get much of a reaction.

Who'd a thunk?

I was pretty happy consumed in my own thoughts but some lame ass decided to walk right in the room as loud as frikin possible. Teacher, I seriously need to learn their names, didn't bother looking up. Actually I think she dug deeper into her book.

I could see why.

He was just…wow. Like a giant messy blur of neon blue, and extremely loud. I disliked him already, and yet, I had not spoken one word to him.

Sheesh Maka, judgmental much?

Lucky for me, he decided to sit right next to me. Thanks universe. I owe you one. I tried to go back to Maka Land, I did, but it was impossible. (Impossible I say!)

Because I was the only one in the room, that meant I was the only one he could talk to. I knew it. I could just tell by the way he looked at me and headed in my direction.

Let me just tell you what was running through my mind at that very moment.

_Fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuck._

As soon as the lady at the desk began lightly snoring, he started talking. Two minutes in to the conversation (which was all him by the way) and I already wanted to push him off a mountain. A really, really, tall mountain.

"My names Black*Star by the way, I'm gonna surpass God. Yeah I know, pretty awesome ain't it?"

I snorted, "Yeah, well, when you meet him, tell him I said thanks."

Then I realized what I had done. I…spoke back.

_Then, dramatically, she fell to her knees and from her lips a "Why!" was drawn out. _

"Thanks for what? Oh, for being able to meet the awesome me?" he said leaning back into his chair, "Yeah, I am pretty awesome."

I was about to pimp slap the crap out of this little shit but he just kept talking. To no one in particular either. He was just…talking. I've concluded that he's what I call a _special person._

"I never did guess your name? Let me guess…uh Roberta!"

The urge to push him off a mountain was surfacing again.

"No, it's Maka." I said, trying to keep the sentences short.

"That's a weird name."

"Oh what, and Black*Star isn't?"

"No, it's not."

"Then what is it?"

"It's an _awesome_ name."

I face palmed. I kinda walked into that one. Shucks.

I sighed. He noticed. Damn me!

"Aw, Maka, sighing around such a great guy like me is, like, so not awesome. So like what's your problem?"

I scoffed, "As if I would tell you, a total stranger, all my problems."

I kinda wanted to though.

An alarm went off and teacher woke up and dismissed us.

Wow. Forty-five minutes have never been so long before.

Me and Black*Star walked down the hallway together (It's not like I had a choice) he was still talking, and I was still tuning him out. That is I _was _until the little butt licker grabbed a marker out of I don't wanna know where and wrangled my arm.

Before I could knee him in his baby maker he scribbled something down on to my skin.

It better not be a penis. I swear all the boys back in fifth grade thought it was just so much fun to draw penises on poor ol' Maka. Those were dark times indeed.

Anyhow.

I looked at my arm and saw it was…an email address?

"W-what the hell Black*Star?" I asked.

He just grinned, "We are friends aren't we? So friends contact each other!"

Oh, I feel so honored. Did I forget to mention I'm sarcastic? Well it's pretty obvious now huh?

"If you wanna contact each other why not gimme you phone number?"

He backed up and put his hands out in front of him, "Whoa, whoa Maka I said you were my friend. Not my _best friend_."

Oh. I see. Sniff, I think my heart just broke a little.

I patted him on the back and walked out of the main entrance, ready to go home, eat something, and get away from this kid.

"See ya Maka!" I heard Black*Star yell.

I might have said goodbye to him. I might have said it really low, and under my breath.

_Doesn't mean I did though!_

* * *

When I got home, I was completely and utterly shocked to find that my Papa wasn't home.

Ha!

Not really, no. He never gets here before five. In the morning that is.

Were I have to wake up and get his sorry ass in the shower and make him eat something. Y'see my Papa works at a place call Chupra Cabra's. Which is nothing short of a brothel, and I am just astounded that the place hasn't been shut down yet. Seriously.

But whatever. I sometimes go there on the weekends to give him some lunch and stuff. Their all good people just don't go there during working hours. Or eat the food. Or touch any of the employees after working hours.

Hey, but what if I was like my Papa?

Could you imagine?

Aha.

But I think you get my point now, yeah.

I dumped my backpack down on the couch, not even thinking twice about my homework, and walked over to the kitchen.

Here's something else to take into consideration. Never eat the stuff Papa brings home from work. And if you do…well I hope you live close to a hospital.

I opened the fridge to find…strawberries! Yay! I grabbed those suckers outta there and danced my way over to the couch. Flipping on the TV I lay backed and sighed.

Today was a loooong day. It was boring and tiring, what with that clown Black*Star, it was even more so. I looked down at my arm, it was smudged a bit, but the address was still there.

I groaned. It wasn't like I had anything better to do anyways besides eat all the strawberries. I groaned again, as I headed over to my computer.

The old dinosaur was sitting on top of my desk, there in all its beauty. Nah, that thing was about as ugly as hell. I mean it was U-G-L-Y ugly.

Hey have you ever heard of that song?

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, hey hey, you ugly!

Ha. Sometimes I wanna sing that to my history and see what she does. Probably nod her head and agree. And I don't blame her.

It's only the truth.

After it _finally_ turned on, I logged onto my email address. I stirred for a second and read my username.

_Soul-Captor-Angel-Of-Death-Maka _

I cringed. Well, I was like seven when I made this, but God I was so lame. I made an alternative one and typed in Black*Stars account.

Surprise, surprise, he was on.

Well, why not be the man in the relationship and be the one to go first? Too bad though cause the demon douche beat me to it.

_Hey Maka! Wow I didn't think you'd actually be on and talk to me; I guess I just grew on you huh?_

I snorted, yeah right. And _you_ were the one who talked to _me_!

**Hello to you too. And yeah, you do grow on people Black*Star, but then again…so does cancer.**

Shoot…and score! Boo-yah! Maka – 1, Star – 0!

_Huh?_

**Whoa, why am I not surprised you didn't get that?**

_Obviously your words are far too stupid for a God like me to understand. So what's up?_

**Not much, it's pretty boring around here. There's like nothing to do.**

_Well that's like so not awesome. A God like me never gets bored though._

**Oh, why is that?**

_Cuz I've got a kick ass job, that's why!_

**Job? You? Kickass?**

_Yeah, maybe you should get one too. Then you'd be almost as awesome as me. Almost._

**Ha, yeah, well thanks Star, gotta go do homework and stuff. Talk to you later.**

_BYE MAKA!_

I exited out of the window and turned in my chair.

_A job huh?_

* * *

**And that's a rap! Hoped you liked it. I'm trying to make this funny, so if you have any ideas, feel free to drop a review. And yes, this is AU, and I don't plan on keeping the characters in character. **_**OOC forever!**_

**Any mistakes? Tell me!**

**-rocket**


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